A New Normal

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A few years back, Oprah interviewed a woman who was picking up the pieces after her 4 children where killed.  I will never forget what she said, “I am struggling to find a new normal”. Life would never be the same for her, she was not the same,  so normal could not be the same either.  

In early December we lost our third baby. It is a new normal. I am a a mother of 5 now, two to hold and three in heaven with my Grandma.   It is my belief that an unborn child is  human at point of conception.  I wonder if it is this belief that deepens the sadness. I was told once not to talk about my miscarriage as a baby’s death. That was when I realized my losses was a catalist for my  pro-life beliefs because when I greive over thier lives I say, “abortion is death of a baby”.  They were babies and they did die they would be grieved and I could not hide their short lives. Their lives had a purpose. It was not just a fetus, it was a baby.  Therefore, when I am asked, how many children I have, it is understandable that I feel a little  guilty sometimes  answering, “two”. Because I wonder, “if I was to tell the whole truth would I spark a question in their minds,’ when is a baby a baby?’ ”  But to answer; “5, but I lost three”,  requires an  awkward, sympathetic response.  Which is not what I am looking for.  But I can not be silent either. 

The last baby, I suspected would not come to term because I did not feel sick, as I did with my full term babies. So I tried  not to be anxious about the out come but to delight with each day that I carried him, as it could my only chance to “hold” him.  So I held him and I loved him the best I could and for as long as I could. I was 7 weeks.

So I have loved more children than I hold. They  will always be part of my life story.  My losses  have given me a  burdon  for couples who  have difficulty conceiving, and I pray for them fervently until they are pregnant and their baby is born. This are part of my life. This is my normal.

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About karynforyou

Thank you for stopping by. I am a wife, mother to three daughters and homeschooler. It`s my intention to encourage, strengthen and laugh with friends. If you were stopping by my home you would find a sink full of dishes, books and paper strewn about but plenty of seats available for extra guests and the kettle on for tea... I may need to be reminded a few times before the tea is actually brewed. I`m blogging to help me keep focused. I will post about parenting, marriage, homeschooling, homemaking, and I`m sure there will be a few trips to the sewing room from time to time. If you have a post idea or question please feel free to contact me, I will get back to you.

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